She listen-She learn-She speak

its october . and its raining. i have learnt  to accept                 to ignore                               to deny                                            to agree                                                        to keep silent                                                                  to lower myself                                     ...

in just a few days i'll going back to where i belong UNIVERSITY OF M'SIA SARAWAK honestly, im so not ready going back. seriously im not! but i have to.  ever since im no longer doing my part time job im gonna have to leave him eventhough this is just for a while its silly to have this feeling of reluctant imh

its been awhile since i was away from my 'real world'.  i went to 'another world' and leaving 'my people'. cut out any connection that is possibly be. nothing much in this 'another world'. less exciting.and nothing. just you and me. and now.. its the time to going back to where i belong. my real world which occupy only me and myself

music really do change one's emotion. music hides memories.  i hate music.literally.sometimes. because it reminds me about something.  the memories the forgotten people the forgotten event and the forgotten feeling  have u ever heard this..  'music is my life ' ? for me..yes it is my life. because music is my life ,  and my life had so much ups and down ,  as days goes by all that ups and down becoming memories ,  and yet sad memories is more vivid than the others,  and then the music remind me of all the sad memories ,  in the end..i hate music as it reminds me of all that. but..the memories.. the good one will always comes after the sad one.  can't complaint.because that is life. 

how can i say anything when the only thing matter to you is only about you how can i say anything when there is no even slightly chance for me to say something how can i? how can i keep holding on to you when everything does not seems right how can i keep on trying when you already stop trying how can i? how can i stop when i've come to this far how can i survive if there is never-ending story please stop. im tired.i cant handle it anymore.  its hard for you.. but its hard to me even more

that guy.. yeah..that one.. him.  170-58-30 ......................................................................................................... nothing much to say. its just that..i dont feel like to talk nowadays. about him or about anyone i care.  just let it keep safe in somewhere inside that oxygen pump. okay?? thats it. ive lost that charm of being talkative and full of brilliant idea of what to say since.. since .....................................that moment. the moment when the world around me start to stop. 

jatuh.. ku bangkit jatuh tersungkur..ku gagahkan hati ku gagahkn diri.. aku bangkit kembali aku terjatuh tersungkur lalu tersembam.. ah! pedulikan itu. aku tetap bangkit dan berdiri atas kemampuan ku biar pedih biar sakit. aku tahu.. aku harus bangkit.  aku ada tanggungjawab aku pegang amanah aku harus bangkit. 

there is one person in this world that makes me think a lot he has this real selfishness, tongue like a swords, very insecurity in his own world, but still.. i like his thought. there is one person in this world that i know would never dissapoints me i know she wouldn't her friendship what makes me think a lot time wouldnt change everything between us there is one person in this world that will always give his all in our friendship his strength..his stubborness, his determination, his strong-minded, his self-esteem, his courage, has always inspire me there is one person in this world that i know will always love me always listen always speak the truth always be there even when everybody had turn me he always be there beside me

its just silly how i feel about nowadays i feel that it is hard to communicate freely without any boundaries or second thought its awkward! that chemistry had gone long ago the friendship..or family bond.. less likely to turn into the old days yeah..life is changed. 

terdetik di hati kenapa aku memilih jalan ini sesekali terdengar bisikan penyesalan inikah yang aku mahukan? lantas aku kembali ke dasar hati dasar permulaan detikan pertama di hati detikan pertama yang menjadi sebab kukuh  mengapa jalan ini yang ku pilih berkali-kali aku memohon pertunjuk seringkali itu juga pertunjuk turun dalam bentuk yang sukar untuk ku fahami kerana itu ku tekadkan matlamat ku tabahkan hati dan aku memilih jalan ini

i wont't back up. i'll keep moving forward. i'll keep holding on to you no matter what. i won't stop for thing that i've started. this is the journey that i decide to take. if and only if the ending isnt what ive imagine.. i'll just live my life and regret nothing because i know how much effort ive put in it effort is what matter the most whatever it is i'll face this life together with you

aku akan buktikan bahawa tidak semua yang dikatakan itulah yang akan terjadi kerana aku percaya perjalanan hidup sudah tertulis dan aku tahu rezeki itu ada di mana2 yang menentukan cuma cepat atau lambat rezeki itu datang yang pasti aku akan buktikan!  

this is the last post for this year of 2012 never thought that my life had change for this past few years throughout this year ive been a good girl and less naughty ive seen myself changing and improving day by day and its good. and here is my wishes for 2013:: i want to keep improving myself. be matured. be a better human being. be a better muslimah. throw all that negative vibe, negative thinking, negative feeling :: semoga tahun 2013 memberi bahagia untukku. segala yang terjadi semoga menjadi pengajaran untukku mis shemey ..pesanan untuk anda :: sila jadi baik dan baik dan baik dan baik dimata ibu mu ayahmu sahabat mu insan sekelilingmu dan paling penting tuhan mu.

it feels so much oppressed when people start to give higher expectation instead of giving support and guidance on how we should act in order to handle our life. i'll be the best among the best i'll be on the line among the excellent if u want me to be your golden daughter yes.. i'll do it but if u want me to be number one..i'll just can be number two but if u want me to take the mt. Everest.. i'll just can handle mt. Kinabalu please don't expect high on me i just cant handle it i'm a human being and i'm not perfect there is a thing that i may not be able to take care of there is a thing that i don't even know how to handle it there is a thing that i cant even take it and do it i'm a human being and i'm not a robot  i have a feeling  i have a thing that i wanted, i have a dream that i wish for i want to have it too, i want to make it real but still yours is my priority. whatever u wish for i'll try my...

ya ALLAH. simbahkan air ketenangan dihatinya yang sedang marak menyala titipkan kesabaran luruhkan marahnya ya ALLAH. semoga engkau sentiasa tinggikan kesabarannya tinggikan kesabarannya tinggikan kesabarannya ya ALLAH jadikanlah dia dalam kalangan orang-orang yang sentiasa sabar dan jauhkanlah dia dari segala kecelakaan

sesungguhnya perkataan yang diucap itu harus selari dengan perbuatan. surah as-saff ayat 2,3 :: wahai orang-orang yg beriman..mengapakah kamu mngatakan sesuatu yg tidak kamu kerjakan? sesungguhnya sangatlah dibenci disisi allah jika kmu mngatakan apa2-apa yg tidak kamu kerjakan. jika tuhan sendiri membenci apatah lagi kita manusia biasa? umpama menanam tebu dibibir.

sedang enak menelaah pelajaran seketika fikiran melayang sejenak. sampai ke satu memori. memori kisah lalu.  kisah lalu yang pada memori hanyalah kisah luka. insan-insan yg pernah hadir. insan penyebab luka. terdetik dihati  kenapa? seketika lamunan terhenti. cukup. kisah lalu usah dikenang. lantas pen digenggam kertas dicapai..harus teruskan hidup

sekali lagi perbualan itu masih perbualan yang ku kira mencabar seperti hari-hari dahulu. dan kali ini anda kata anda terkilan dan ya..terkilan kerana reaksi aku itu begitu ketara tidak seperti dulu. perlukah aku state the obvious kenapa keadaan kali ini, perbualan kali ini tidak seperti dulu? rasanya tidak perlulah aku move to the detail kan. sebab kita sama-sama tahu laluan hidup aku dan laluan hidup kau sudah jauh berbeza. aku dengan hidup aku dan kau dengan hidup kau. dan aku memilih untuk berada dalam hidup aku yang pada definisi kau adalah hidup dengan mentaliti typical. bukan untuk menambahkan garam di luka ..tetapi boleh tidak jika aku katakan begini : 'why do u have to care about me and my life?'  ada double meaning disitu. dan pilihlah interpretasi yang pertama iaitu : its about me kau ada hidup kau, kau ada orang yang lagi penting ku kira dari aku untuk kau kisah. dan aku hanyalah kisah lama kau. siapalah aku disisi kau sekarang? hanya seseoran...

kenapa hati manusia itu mudah goyah tatkala diuji seketika cuma adakah kerana kurang amal ibadahnya? atau kerana sememangnya manusia itu secara azalinya mudah tunduk kepada nafsu? sesungguhnya tuhan tidak menguji seseorang itu jauh dari kemampuannya wahai hati.. engkau adalah segumpal darah yang mana apabila baik kondisinya maka baiklah seluruh tubuhnya apabila rosak maka rosaklah seluruh tubuhnya sifat itu adalah sifat engkau. maka goyahlah wahai hati.   tetapi..goyah bukan bermakna kau goyah untuk jatuh. tetapi goyah itu bermaksud kau perlu kukuh.

mis shemey want things to be as simple as it can be. but.. it turns out to be more complicated as much as i hate it to be. and.. to change thing that is almost 70% done need 140% effort to turn it back. then.. what should i do? think! thus.. u should finish what you have started. by hook or by crook. done what should be done