She listen-She learn-She speak

kenapa aku memilih untuk bekerja dan bergerak dalam kumpulan baru? kerana..aku bosan dengan 'pattern' gerak kerja yang sama dikelilingi rakan kerja yang sama dalam suasana yang sama. kerana..aku melalui keadaan yang sama apabila berada dalam kelompok kumpulan yang sama dan apabila tiba saat pengakhiran ..'the outcome' sudah pasti dapat ku jangka. dull. itu.. tidak termasuk aspek qualiti kerja,' internal affair' sepeti membolot kerja dan pembahagian 'effort'. terlalu banyak alasan untuk aku menjadi bosan bergerak dalam kumpulan yang sama. mungkin juga aku yang pessimis.tapi.aku sudah mencuba beroptimistik. buat yang terbaik. tingkatkan 'effort'. hardworking. cuba untuk mencapai 'expectation'. tapi..aku masih terasa 'empty'. orang kata..kerja 'no feel'. mungkin..tanpa 'soul' aku boleh bagi 'almost the best' . tapi..ketahuilah..jika aku bekerja 'with soul' dan 'with feeling'..kau belum t...

this is the friday 14th. my fifth day in unimas. yes. i'm already in unimas okey? too early to start my final semester here.. thanks to you FYP. i love you. ching *your foot. ==' but i dont mind starting my day earlier than those who still having a good time in their hometown. well.. a bit jealous here. but..naaahh..i really dont mind. because.. the good news is my effort worth paid okey. i got DNA band for my PCR. yay! for those who taking molecular sure know what i mean. *smile but anyway.. that is only a part of thing that i want to tell to the whole world. ceh. another thing is.. i really missed my friend. not all. but some of them. really cant wait to see them. yay! *happy mood and..this is unbelieveable because the people i missed.. are unpredictable. i never feel this kind of feeling but now..yes it is. maybe because this is my final semester. kan. i tend to recall all the memories during this three years and i realize that there will always be a part ...

satu keadaan yg paling aku x suka adalah apabila situasi kau-aku dalam keadaan awkward. tidak kiralah siapa 'kau'..asal situasi itu ada 'aku' segalanya tetap awkward. situasi awkward contohnya yg macam ni bunyinya ....... aku x kenal kau, kau x kenal aku..tapi aku perlu face to face dgn kau sbb kawan aku punya kawan adalah kawan kau , as if friend's friend to the friend. kiranya 'kau' disini adalah someone dalam jaringan yang ke-empat. ....... kau x tegur aku , maka aku pn x tegur kau. dan itu awkward. kau ckp dgn kawan aku tapi persoalan itu ditujukn kpd aku sbnrnya. kenapa x ckp sahaja terus dkt aku? dan itu awkward. aku ada di situ kau hilang bila aku mnghilangkn diri tnpa sgja kau ada disitu dan aku tenpa sgja munculkn diri kau pula sembunyikn diri. dan itu awkward. contoh dua untuk situasi remeh seperti 'berebut katil' kau tahu aku tetamu tetap mendiami katil tersebut yakni katil kpd kawan aku dan kau tetamu yg baru dtg mendiami k...

sitting on the chair. facing the laptop screen staring at that page. precisely..at that person face. yes. YOU. scrolling down . clicking each of photos of you. sigh. deep down in my heart i wish that i had never met you. i feel sorry to you ..and to myself for us to meet in this lifetime. poor you but poor me more. i start to think that all this long my biggest problem for me to hardly deal with is MY PAST it seems like i could never let go of my past those words. those eyes.. i could not recall but sure i could not forget either. if i were given a power to travel through time i will definitely going back to the time when i first met you. and..you know what i might do. common sense man. i will put a distance towards you. as far as anyone couldn't reach. sigh. i hate you. but i hate myself more. still. i hope for a miracle to happen for both us to be able to get along to each other i have imagine so many good things to happen to us though. i hope we could talk t...

sahabat sejati sahabat yang sukar dicari. aku punya seorang sahabat. aku kasifikasikan dalam senarai A-list. tapi sayang. dia XY. walaupun begitu aku tetap bersyukur. aku tetap berterima kasih. kerana aku ada kau sahabat.

this is my fifth day of holidays in my hometown and i still have a lot of worries.  first :  i am worried of my FYP. if it weren't because i went back home, i should have done my labwork by now. secondly : about my flight on this 3rd of Feb. it is scheduled 2 weeks earlier than usual. and. i am very reluctant of going back to Unimas.  thirdly : i think im gonna homesick.  fifth : still thinking of my FYP. bila lah boleh siap ni! urgh!  sixth seventh eighth ninth tenth. and. the rest. im worried of everything because i think a lot. a lot more than what u think of. to tell the truth, bila aku fikir pasal going back to unimas jantung aku berdegup kencang. macam something bad might happen to me or anyone else around me. im afraid of that.usual bila this thing happen it means something bad gonna happen. aku bukanlah jenis org yg selalu rasa benda2 mcm ni. dan org kata jgn layan feeling mcm ni. sbb ..well u know that.  but know wh...

to tell the truth..semangat gua untuk study SANGAT membuak2. seriously.no kidding. tapi..tapi..tapi.. i do not know why everytime i start my rivision kan. my eyes..yeah..my eyes cepat SANGAT terasa nk tutup. in other word.. i am really easy to feel sleepy. mummy ..WHYYYYY!! nescafe?? oh no..no..no. bukan masalah senang mengantuk okey? here..i tell you something.. bila gua x de hati nk study tapi ada hati nk marathon movie .. mata gua akan celik tanpa sedikit tanda2 rasa nak tidur. walaupn jiwa dan raga dah meronta2 nk tidur..mata gua tetap x dpt tidur. and yeah..usually until 4am i still awake. even after i finish my movie 2 hours ago. gua susah nk tidur. mcm bawah pengaruh nescafe. padahal..nescafe pun gua dah x sentuh sejak awal sem okey? and now..bila hati dah membuak2 nk study tapi dlm brapa minit je gua dah menguap..apa kes ni? any idea? anyone? rasanya kena try nescafe juga la kalau dah macam ni. gua pernah terfikir nk bersenam pkul 2 3 pagi..untuk hilangkn nga...

seriously.  I NEED AN INSPIRATION  right here. right at this moment.  I NEED MOTIVATION I AM DESPERATELY NEED IT ..like.. NOW! someone..call me please.  ---------------------------------------------------- hah! *sigh* nevermine. i'll be able to motivate myself anyway.  *long sigh* i lose. i hurt. i cry.again. to the same reason. by the same person. full stop. i couldn't able to think of any other possibility for this. i realize that all the calculation  for the consequences I've made starting to make sense. indeed. i'll have to survive. this is the price that i have to pay for the 'crime' i'd done to my life.  and now i have to face it. endure it. live with it. live life before it ends and please...no regrets.  i believe that ALLAH has given me a super duper awesome zig-zag life pathway. so..i'll just have to be patient. soon come the happy ending.  insyaALLAH.  i too think .. shou...

hujan masih lebat berharap pelangi selepas hujan sambil menghitung saat menghitung saat bilakah semuanya berakhir. terdetik untuk putus asa tapi itu bukan aku bukan aku. belum masanya untuk putus asa. aku berhenti aku berhenti bukan kerana aku berputus asa aku berhenti untuk berehat walau hujan masih lebat aku tahu ..kau tahu.. kita tahu.. pasti pelangi selepas hujan

aku perlukan hidup baru rasanya it is almost a million time aku kata aku perlu hidup baru i barely manage turning my life into something new,something fresh and yet i still feel the same asignment , books, papers, study.  cuma people around me keep changing i meet different people with different attitude mungkin.. hari2 pun hidup baru sebenarnya?  terpulang pada kita untuk intepretasikan. your own life is your own responsibilty..isn't? oh crap! apa yg aku cuba sampaikan sebenarnya ni? is it about life or what? mungkin ya mungkin tidak. mungkin apa yang sampai kepada kau wahai pembaca ialah betapa stressnya penulis ini sehingga menyalurkan rasa stress kearah penulisan dan tanpa sedar penulis menulis sesuatu yang dirasainya sekarang tanpa tahu apa tujuan penulis menulis sebenarnya. apa yang penting penulis merasa satu bebanan di fikirannya berkurang, become less and less and less semasa dia menulis. itulah passion dia. dia berfikir, dia t...

my first time meeting him he said he is jericho rosales and yes i put his name Jericho rosales  and he became my 'peti aduan rakyat' dan dia berkhidmat dgn jayanya until .. a year later we hardly contacting each other second year knowing him he turns into busy man very busy man he barely having time for me and yes i called him busy man the third year of our friendship he become my encik keris melayu always never failed be there when needed *** he is someone i cherished the most. his  friendship is the most valuable thing he'd given me.  for the time you spent for me for the ideas , the opinion, the word of wisdom the moment, the memories, the laugh you shared for the care you showed me for the help  i thank you for everything. 

never expect that someone who i thought looks tough is actually more in need of support. seeing how persevere she is really touch me. ive never heard her complaint.  even once.  and yet still be able to live her life thoroughly. *** but me? shame on me.  and now.. lesson learned. shemey ..wake up!  *** i wish i know you better dear friend. i really do.  i wonder..  is there any other people beside you other than your family that u could rely on? i wish you have. i really do. *** dear friend. if you think i am enough to be close to you.. enough to be more than just friend to you.. please. never hesitate to look for me. i will listen. i will understand. and i will learn to accept. i will try my best.  p/s  i like my name being mentioned here :)   http://truththatshouldbetold.blogspot.com/2013_11_01_archive.html

never thought that our friendship become this awkward.  once ..we were friends. BEST friends. my BESTIES.  the time passed we separate and make our own way. meet new friends in a new place.  we become STRANGER.  now..will it be the same again? ................................................................ wahai kawan. masihkah kau ingat dekat aku? aku rasa kau pasti xkn pernah lupakn aku. kan? harap2 kau x lupa aku. kawan..ingatkah kau lagi masa kita mula2 jadi kawan suatu ketika dahulu?  aku masih ingat.  sebelum kita jadi kawan kita selalu gaduh.  tapi lepas aku 'selamatkn ' kau dari budak lelaki yg suka cari pasal tu..kita jadi kawan.  lepas tu..aku kenalkan kau dgn kawan aku.  akhirnya kita bertiga jadi kawan.  mula dari saat itu..aku kenal lagi ramai kawan sbb kawan yg seorg ni bawa kawan2 dia jadi kawan kita. ingat x lagi?  aku kau dia dan mereka.  masuk sekolah menengah kita masih b...

apa nak tulis? termenung jauh. pandangan singgah ke tasik , merentasi jambatan cinta sampai ke water tower cempaka. berfikir. its friday..and i havent start anything.  study? ada lah..sikit. semalam. x sampai 2 jam. its friday shemey! wake up!  3 hari je lagi. holiday is O.V.E.R.  haih. memang bercuti betul.  ........................................................................................................... beep beep * one message received* boleh tolong inform yg lain. student fyp kna submit progress report delay b4 13dec kpd SV. tq ........................................................................ gulp. baru tersedar dari mimpi. terasa batu menghempap.  oh! banyaknya kerja! mungkin itu december. tapi november bagaimana? terdiam. berfikir.  now everything makes sense.  kembali ke realiti. tangan pantas mencapai nota.  masih belum terlambat.  oh!..sebelum...

tersentap dengan kata-kata itu. 'kalau takut kenapa kapel?' 'kalau takut dosa..kahwin la' .. ...... mudah sungguh kata2 itu dilontar. kalaulah hidup ini boleh dicoret semudah kau melontar kata itu..mungkin sudah lama aku hantar kad jemputan depan pintu rumah kau. siap dgn tiket kapal terbang mungkin. ....... siapa bilang tiada perancangan? siapa bilang tiada niat? semua itu ada. dari saat aku memilih untuk menyayangi dan mengasihi itulah perkara pertama terdetik. jalan bernas untuk menghalalkan yang haram. cuma..perancangan tetap perancangan yang menentukan bukan aku. ........ 'keluarga aku x mcm keluarga kau, kau citer psl boyfren ke apa ke..diorang terima je..siap bawa jumpa lagi. aku ni? nk cerita sikit pn x berani..nk citer psl kahwin pn dah macam2 tanggapan diorng dkt aku' . aku tersenyum sinis . kalaulah kau tahu hidup aku macam mana, tidak mungkin kau akan terfikir untuk bandingkan aku dengan kau. bukan kau tahu berapa kekuatan mental dan fisikal ...

its october . and its raining. i have learnt  to accept                 to ignore                               to deny                                            to agree                                                        to keep silent                                                                  to lower myself                                     ...

in just a few days i'll going back to where i belong UNIVERSITY OF M'SIA SARAWAK honestly, im so not ready going back. seriously im not! but i have to.  ever since im no longer doing my part time job im gonna have to leave him eventhough this is just for a while its silly to have this feeling of reluctant imh

its been awhile since i was away from my 'real world'.  i went to 'another world' and leaving 'my people'. cut out any connection that is possibly be. nothing much in this 'another world'. less exciting.and nothing. just you and me. and now.. its the time to going back to where i belong. my real world which occupy only me and myself

music really do change one's emotion. music hides memories.  i hate music.literally.sometimes. because it reminds me about something.  the memories the forgotten people the forgotten event and the forgotten feeling  have u ever heard this..  'music is my life ' ? for me..yes it is my life. because music is my life ,  and my life had so much ups and down ,  as days goes by all that ups and down becoming memories ,  and yet sad memories is more vivid than the others,  and then the music remind me of all the sad memories ,  in the end..i hate music as it reminds me of all that. but..the memories.. the good one will always comes after the sad one.  can't complaint.because that is life. 

how can i say anything when the only thing matter to you is only about you how can i say anything when there is no even slightly chance for me to say something how can i? how can i keep holding on to you when everything does not seems right how can i keep on trying when you already stop trying how can i? how can i stop when i've come to this far how can i survive if there is never-ending story please stop. im tired.i cant handle it anymore.  its hard for you.. but its hard to me even more